Being together

On this page

Listening and talking with your tamaiti | child about their identity, language and culture helps build their confidence and sense of self-worth.

Talking with your tamaiti about who they are and where they are from builds their sense of connection with whānau and the world.
Listen to your tamaiti.
Show interest in things that matter to them.
Celebrate your tamariki and family by talking about things that make you unique and strong, the values you share, and the ways you support and look after each other.

Tip

The language of emotions

When tamariki can identify and express their own emotions, they can begin to read social situations, develop empathy, and interact in positive ways.

You can gift tamariki the language of emotions by paying attention to:

naming emotions, "you are feeling frustrated"
describing emotions, "when I feel frustrated, my body feels tight"
explaining an emotion, "when you ask for a turn and you have to wait for a long time, it can make you feel frustrated".

Talk about feelings#

Talking about feelings helps tamariki learn to describe, understand and manage their feelings.

From infancy, talk about basic feelings like happy, sad, angry.
As your tamaiti grows, you can build emotion vocabulary, like joyful, anxious, amazed.
Talk about feelings in your home language or languages.
Name the feeling your tamaiti seems to be experiencing: "You seem frustrated. You cannot reach your rattle".
Tell stories and read books about feelings.
Ask your tamaiti about their feelings.

Tamariki often have big feelings, like frustration or sadness, and need support to work through these before they can regain a sense of calm.

Provide space for your child to express their feelings, such as time to cry while being present and responding calmly, with warmth and gentleness.
Acknowledge your child’s feelings: "I see you are upset. I’m here if you need a hug".
When your child is calm, talk about safe ways to express feelings: "It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to hit people".
Talk about the ways you manage your own feelings when you are upset.

Games are a great way for tamariki to learn and practise social skills like sharing, turn taking, paying attention, remembering and following rules.

You can play all sorts of games with your tamaiti from infancy.
You can have family favourites and sometimes play new games.
Teach your tamaiti some of the games you used to play.
Support your child’s social skills as you play. You might say "your turn, my turn" as you roll a ball back and forth or let your tamaiti know they did a great job sharing.

Consistent routines help tamariki feel secure and have positive behaviour.

Establish routines that fit with your lifestyle, such as weekly visits to family or the park. Build routines throughout the day, such as family meals or bedtime routines.
Talk about what to expect with your tamaiti from infancy, such as "It is time to change your nappy" or a reminder of what is coming next, "It will be time to get ready for bed in 5 minutes".
When there is a change to routine try to tell your tamaiti ahead of time and support them to adjust.

Showing kindness, compassion and gratitude helps tamariki build caring and inclusive relationships with others.

Model kindness. Seeing you be kind to yourself and others helps your tamaiti to know how to look after themselves and others too.
Talk about the kind and compassionate things you see your tamaiti do.
Regularly talk about things you are grateful for. Ask your tamaiti what they are grateful for.

THIS PAGE IS FOR